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#RIPDICK
the internet
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They say that beer makes your milk fall.
  • Him: I want a dragon
  • Her: Dragons are awesome.
  • Him: They can fly you anywhere!
  • Her: But penguins are cute!
  • Him: And they can teleport!
  • Her: But penguins--teleport?
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Dishes left in the sink are like a poorly chosen sexual partner. They spread germs and always look worse in the morning. Please do them (your dishes).
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He’s a fruit on the bottom.
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You’re the easter egg of my dreams
  • 1: The only thing we've gotten really passionate about tonight was Oreos
  • 2: I don't know, we were pretty passionate about butt plugs there for a minute
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You’ve been alive in my breasts
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He’s so fat his patronus is a cake.
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Everyone needs to share in the joy of the butt plug.